If the “Blind Shear Ram” was the last line of defense against a blowout, why wouldn’t you arrange the system so that the ram was deployed by mechanical pressure, and the hydraulic lines kept it from deploying? A dead man’s switch, as it were. Wouldn’t that have been a bit more of a fail-safe solution?

Wait, no, that’s not my question. My question is where the heck did the MMS hide the rest of those mountains of blow? There’s got to be some Disco Yucca Mountain somewhere, right? That’s my question! Can we get Nic Cage on the case here? National Treasure: Book Of I’m Going To Party For Weeks And Weeks, is what I’m saying.