Israel has suffered yet another unprovoked, brutal attack by fervent extremists. A large group of highly trained, highly armed Israeli commandos were just minding their business, innocently rapelling* on to a ship carrying humanitarian aid in international waters in the middle of the night with arms at the ready and smoke grenades popping (such stagecraft!), when they were brutally attacked by the ship’s inahbitants, who were laying in wait to ambush the heavily armed soldiers wielding fearsome hands, meancing clubs and pointy knives (which I believe are now considered WMD) for no reason at all. I mean wtf?
In light of the inevitable anti-semitic wailing about how Israeli commandos began firing indiscriminately, killing a dozen or so humanitarian protestors and how this (and the raid itself) is somehow evidence of heavy-handedness and disproportionate use of force in defense of a grossly unjust and inhumane blockade, I thought it would be a good time to remind everyone of my treatise self defense. Which the Medium Lobster stole, unattributed:
Ah, Israel, the holy land, light unto the nations! Barely a month after valiantly killing 1300 Gazans, maiming and wounding thousands more, and leaving the rest for dead in an open-air prison, Israel has stood up for its right to stand up to other people’s rights by forming its most hawkish possible government. A lesser nation might have wavered in the face of a merciless Palestinian onslaught of pleading and stump-waving, but Israel realizes this is a war between good and evil, right and wrong, civilization and those too poor to afford civilization. True, it’s far from a fair fight – Israel has a mere three hundred nuclear warheads while the Palestinians have countless rocks to throw – but somehow the pluck and determination of this scrappy regional superpower has prevailed over the deadly horde of orphans, beggars and amputees who threaten to live next to it.
Israel’s critics will forever bicker over the spilled milk of Israeli policy – a few thousand homes demolished here, a few thousand corpses over there – but we must allow that Israel has a right to defend itself, and we must also allow that defending itself necessarily entails the indiscriminate bombing of thousands of screaming refugees…And when you went to bomb those terrorists and their families, wouldn’t you also bomb everyone and everything around them, reasoning that only a terrorist would live near, go to school with, or be hospitalized in the same vicinity as a terrorist?…And before planning that massive bombing campaign, wouldn’t you be sure to cut the entire population off from terrorist food, militant medicine, and jihadist electricity for months in advance?…
Yes, we may be tempted to mourn the civilian dead, but in killing those civilians, isn’t Israel merely protecting itself against future terrorists who would otherwise go on to retaliate against Israel for the deaths of their children? And yes, we may be tempted to mourn the deaths of the children, but in killing those children, isn’t Israel simply preemptively taking out future militants who would otherwise grow up to avenge the deaths of their parents?…
Message to those seeking to get food and medicinal weapons into Gaza: this aggression will not stand and Israel, badly outnumbered and demonstrably out knived, will find a way to persevere.