It is coming. There is no escape.
There is your future, right there. These people will run the world. Perhaps only someone who has spent as much time riding the public bus as Your Humble Editors can really see deeply enough into the American psyche to understand how preordained, how cosmically inevitable this is. What do I think, I’m a some kind of Biblical prophet over here, seeing into the future? I don’t like to use those words, but if that’s what it takes to make everybody grovel before me and kiss the hem of my Coat Of Many Colors and take my every word as the Absolute Truth, then, yeah, tough guy, that’s exactly what I am, and you can get down and suck my stone tablets if you don’t like it. The only way – THE ONLY WAY – these people don’t take over the country is if someone even wingnuttier gets there first. We are so fucking doomed.
How’s Obama doing? It’s like this: America is a very, very sick country. The old gal ain’t doing so well right now. Now, we can argue about how she got here and how she might have been achieved her full health potential, but I would hope we should at least agree that the eight years spent undergoing Dr. Dubya’s patented Crack Rock and Drano Enema Therapy, with twice-daily hour-long bullwhippings in the asbetos room administered by Nurse Cheney, may not have been the wisest treatment option. (Regrets, I’ve had a few. And now I recall the advice my sainted mother gave me before she lost her voice at Ypres – “Sonny,” she said – for ‘Sonny’ was the name of the cat she had when she was 9, and my mother liked to drink – “sonny, never trust doctors who only have one name. Even if that name is ‘Feelgood’. And, really, avoid all doctors who have their own Motley Crue song. Just to be on the safe side.”)
So Dr. Obama? Well, there’s not been a miracle recovery, that’s for sure, but I’d argue that the prognosis has improved over the past 12 months. Could he have been move aggressive in his treatment? Perhaps. But I think we would be wise to continue under his care, especially because the only other doctor who will take Grandma America’s case is named Dr. Mengele. Dr. Lucy Furr Hatemeister von Doomenheim Apocolyticon Destruct-O-Matic Mengele, member in good standing of the American Medical and Ritual Devil Worship Murder Association. Who has no face, but merely a skull, a grinning black skull with “666” carved into the forehead with Satan’s coke nail, and when she speaks no sound comes from her ghastly maw, but instead pour flames and stinking black bile and the skulls of babies and kittens who cry in their tiny baby or kitten voices “Turn back! Turn back now! For the love of all that is not utterly soulless and awful turn back before this monster eats you, too!” And instead of a stethoscope, she carries around her neck a bloody skull, and instead of asprins, she gives you bloody skulls full of poison, and her shadow causes plants and small animals to wither and die and instead of hands she has flaming bloody chainsaws made of skulls, but not in a cool way, and her email address is ‘firstname.lastname@example.org’ (Scott Stapp got there first). And, I don’t know, I can’t put my finger on it, I just kinda have a weird vibe about her. I’m probably a sexist. But it doesn’t matter, because there is no escape. We are completely doomed.