Arkansas state Sen. Kim Hendren, who is currently the only announced Republican candidate for U.S. Senator against Democratic incumbent Blanche Lincoln in 2010, has apologized for referring to Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) as “that Jew,” at a county Republican meeting last week.

“I don’t use a teleprompter and occasionally I put my foot in my month,” Hendren told Arkansas blogger Jason Tolbert.

The “teleprompter” being, of course, a box of devil Jew magick that converts one’s thoughts to printed words, inserting the full names of various Jews as appropriate, and imperiling your Christian soul.  Or, better: he had a teleprompter, but some Jews stole it.  FINAL EDIT: they cunningly Jewed him out of it.  A teleprompter would have cleared that up.

More:”At the meeting I was attempting to explain that unlike Sen. Schumer, I believe in traditional values, like we used to see on ‘The Andy Griffith Show,'” he explained. “I made the mistake of referring to Sen. Schumer as ‘that Jew’ and I should not have put it that way as this took away from what I was trying to say.”

My favorite thing about ‘The Andy Griffith Show’ was how easy it was to remember the names of all the Jewish characters.  There was that one episode where a Jewish fella from New York gave Opie some jazz cigarettes to pose in Aunt Bee’s unmentionables, and the Jew TV executives who cancelled the show and replaced it with interracial oil rasslin’ and mouthy wimmin with hairy armpits – ‘Mayberry, RFD’, I believe that show was called.  That’s about it.

Late Update: Hendren gave a further apology to the Associated Press. “When I referred to him as Jewish, it wasn’t because I don’t like Jewish people,” he said. He also added: “I shouldn’t have gotten into this Jewish business because it distracts from the issue.

Wait: when did he start wholesaling diamonds?*  This story is confusing.

* This is the exact moment my teleprompter broke.