Report: Kiefer Sutherland Headbutts Man over Brooke Shields!


So of course, everybody is rushing to condemn Kiefer without even exploring the many questions raised by this headline.  Such as: what was that man doing over Brooke Shields?


[Women’s wear designer Jack] McCollough reportedly received a minor cut on his nose. The designer is quoted as telling authorities that Sutherland “was drunk and obnoxious and wouldn’t back down or be logical,” and that the actor “pulled this stupid wrestling move like a teenager” before the headbutt. An attorney for Sutherland had no comment.

That doesn’t sound like the Kiefer I know.  And if Kiefer’s wrestling move was so “stupid”, how come you didn’t reverse it into an Atomic Suplex, a Spinning Piledriver, or Jake the Snake Robert’s patented DDT?   Exactly.  This guy’s story is phony on the face of it, and, frankly, he sounds like a possible terrorist.  How could Kiefer be sure this guy didn’t know the location of a ticking bomb if he didn’t head butt him in the face?  It sounds like a clear case of a guy exercising good judgement and civic-minded concern for his fellow Americans, and a bunch of snooty NYC liberals rushing to judge him and make snide remarks about his unarmed combat style just because he’s had a drink or twenty.  It’s like the time Christopher Hitchens stumbled onto the stage during a Broadway production of “Rent”, cock in hand, and urinated on Benny’s shoes.  Hitch, quite naturally, passed out with relief that Benny was not wearing shoe bombs, but everybody else decides they’d rather complain and criticize.  New York always turns on its heroes.

Anyway, on the other side of the country, it looks like Ahnuld wants to legalize pot.  I suppose there are more destructive intoxicants out there – I can’t think of one off hand right now, and I don’t really know why I brought it up, but it’s too late now.  At least it would free up time for Kiefer to find the real terrorists.  I can’t think of a downside, really, provided that the state constitution is amended such that forming a “jam band” shall be punished by a head butt to the face.