April 2009

I’ve got better things to do than troll around the jingosphere trying to dredge up crazy.  That said, I was trolling around the jingosphere, and I dredged up some crazy:


Credit were credit is due: Even as the lowlife Arlen S.P.E.C.T.R.E. knifes his constituents in the back, Comrade Obama has been sticking up for his own:

“The Obama administration joined a federal judge Wednesday in urging Congress to end a racial disparity by equalizing prison sentences for dealing and using crack versus powdered cocaine.”Jails are loaded with people who look like me,” U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton, an African-American, told a Senate Judiciary subcommittee hearing.”Because blacks are more likely to smoke crack, the punishment for this activity will be lessened.

Next our new rulers will lighten sentences for other crimes disproportionately committed by sacred Negroes: rape, armed robbery, et cetera. Theft — aka “spreading the wealth around” — has already been addressed. Thieves are no longer punished even by having to get off the couch, now that the government does the stealing on their behalf.

Celebrating multiculturalism.
Republicans must rally around this winning message if they hope to regain the White House in 1962.  Jesus wept.
The Republican leadership had a good run of it there, from 1994-2006, a period notable for the invisibility of the “base”.  Times were good, so they could hide them; or times were good because they hid them; or times were good because everybody agreed not to look at them? – I don’t know.  But now times aren’t so good, and the leadership is in shambles, so out they come, holding mass tea bagging parties in public places, complaininging about minorities getting over on them, telling everyone how many guns they own and how 1000% psyched they are for the imminent apocolypse, and generally letting their freak flags fly.  If I were a Republican strategist, suicide would sound like a wise career move.

So little Wicky Pewwy was going to run away from home because Obama daddy was a poopyhead and was going to extend unemployment benefits made him brush his teeth and clean his room.  It seems little Wicky only got as far as the driveway before the big scary world persuaded him to drag his bindle back to the front door with chin to chest:

Gov. Rick Perry has asked for 37,430 courses of anti-viral medicine from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention because of the swine flu outbreak. […]

“As a precautionary measure, I have requested that medication be on hand in Texas to help curb the spread of swine flu by helping those with both confirmed and suspected cases of this swine flu virus, as well as health care providers who may have come in contact with these patients,” Perry said in a prepared statement.

So much for Governor Galt.  But next time, he’s totally gonna run away.  For real this time.  Don’t push him.

[Bonus driveway themed video of the day:

Glenn Reynolds, 2005:

I’ve been against torture since Alan Dershowitz was pushing it back in the fall of 2001. (Okay, actually I was against torture even before Dershowitz was pushing it). But I think the effort to turn this into an anti-Bush political issue is a serious mistake, and the most likely outcome will be, in essence, the ratification of torture (with today’s hype becoming tomorrow’s reality) and a political defeat for the Democrats.

Tyler Cowen, today:

At many blogs (Sullivan, Yglesias, DeLong, among others) you will find ongoing arguments for prosecuting the torturers who ran our government for a while.  I am in agreement with the moral stance of these critics but I don’t agree with their practical conclusions.  I believe that a full investigation would lead the U.S. public to, ultimately, side with torture, side with the torturers, and side against the prosecutors.

A couple of things:

1. Democracy is government of the people, by the people, for the people you have; not of, by and for the people you wish you had.  If the American people want to openly ratify torture, in violation of centuries of Western tradition, then that is what we will do, openly.  We have already indirectly ratified it at least once (2004) based on fragmentary, heavily-redacted evidence, and – not to put to fine a point on it – the torture already happened.  There’s nothing we can lose which we haven’t lost already.

2. I don’t think that’s what would happen at all.  I don’t think so – and neither, apparently, did the torturers, which is why they did it in secret, and why they lied about it for so long, why they still can’t bring themselves to call it what it is, and why they still refuse to whip out the awesome secret evidence they have right here in their back pocket that will totally bust everybody.  Now, I’m not a credentialled horseshitologist or anything like that, but I have been exposed to a fair amount of horseshit in my day, and, in my experience, horseshit generally smells a lot like this horseshit right here.  Let the sunshine in.


[Words] I have decided to run for re-election in 2010 in the Democratic primary.

Convenient timing, that, as Republicans were planning on using their primary to end his career.  More:

this-is-it-this-is-the-bestMy change in party affiliation does not mean that I will be a party-line voter any more for the Democrats that I have been for the Republicans. Unlike Senator Jeffords’ switch which changed party control, I will not be an automatic 60th vote for cloture. For example, my position on Employees Free Choice (Card Check) will not change.

Translation: I’m changing my hat, but I’m still a huge fucking dick.  Meh.


The blogofascists have infiltrated FOX News:

It’s moments like this when Richard Cohen should pop out and squirt a giant selzer bottle down his polka-dot clown pants.  Anything to diffuse the tension, you know.  Yes, the US government tortured the shit out of x many foreigners, sometimes to death.  Yes, some people (who may well be riding the “write a book” train to Fame & Fortune Station – do the math) may have a problem with that.  All that may be so.  May.  But, consider: what did you have for breakfast on this day 7 years ago?  You don’t even know that for sure.  Maybe we all live in the Matrix and are really just giant batteries for virtal karate robot squids.  Unless you’ve seen a virtal karate robot squid buying a pack of Duracells, you can’t disprove it, so maybe you should spend a little less time acting so sure of yourself and a little more time taking pills from strange people at creepy industrial clubs.  The point is: it’s all speculation, all of it – nothing but he said, she said, he went on vacation and didn’t read his daily breifings, he attached electrodes to his nutsack, etc.  All we know is that there is a range of opinions, and everybody was trying their best under the circumstances.  There’s certainly no need for gutter language.

Doesn’t Al Gore have some facial hair we could talk about?

This is what I call bipartisanship:

New York Republican Rep. Peter King thinks his party needs to go nuke if Bush era officials are prosecuted on torture charges.

King, the outspoken ranking member of the House homeland security committee, said Republicans should “shut down [legislative] activity across the board” if any Bush-era officials are hauled into court.

“We would need to have a scorched-earth policy and use procedural means to bring the place to a halt — go to war,” he told POLITICO.

As a great American statesman once said: Bring. It. On.  All this tea party stuff is fine, as far as it goes, but if we as a nation are ever going to get past this ‘electing crazy people” problem of ours, we are going to have to work together.  Democrats: you need to prosecute Republicans for torturing people.  Republicans: you need to start foaming at the mouth and threatening to tear the government down and secede from the union if you aren’t allowed to torture people without consequence.  Let’s do this thing.


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