Due to a noticeable increase in the number of ugly children over the years, I have been forced by a concern for the future of the race to have a child*.  His name is Lucius Avericious Victor Davis Hanson X, Jr., and he looks what your children would look like, if your children looked less like Mr. Magoo fucked E.T. after a dozen apple-thalidomide martinis.

* Pending test results from tomorrow’s Montel Williams show.