Frustrated by the fact that Gay Hate, nativism, endless war, anti-Muslim bigotry, greed and other assorted planks comprising the rotting Republican platform are making younger voters turn away in disgust (which foretells of an ever-diminishing constituency as death takes its yearly tithes), the Grand Assisted Living Kind of “Old” Party is turning to a new strategy to neutralize the Dem advantage with anyone younger than Oldy McCain: name calling. Yup, they’re banking on some sassy put downs to deflate the youth vote. And who better to grab the mic in this demographic/electoral diss battle than MC Low-D-Pantz:
[T]he national obsession with the “youth vote” is one of the great embarrassments of deliberative democracy [curv: those in glass houses]. Why is the participation of youth so vital? The “youth activists” say it’s because they bring so much “passion” to politics. Passion, again, isn’t necessarily a good thing. Mobs and small children are passionate.
There was a time when voting was supposed to be a matter for sober, mature reflection. Now it’s more like a fashion statement. “In America,” remarked Oscar Wilde long ago, “the young are always ready to give those who are older than themselves the full benefits of their inexperience.” The only difference now is they get to vote.
Having killed it, Low-D hands the mic off to Boxy Brown, who for my mo money, wins this shizzle hands down. Boxy starts off by claiming that the supposed youth turnout for Obama is much ado about nothing:
In fact, young voters barely surpassed their 2004 turnout percentage — voters aged 18-29 comprised just 18 percent of the electorate, as opposed to 17 percent in 2004.
See suckas, teh yutes ain’t even so much for Obama anyway. Nevertheless, Boxy Brown warns us that Obama is going to exploit that non-existent base of support that isn’t even there to create minions, henchmen and, perhaps, a rapscallion or two:
And Obama is looking to capitalize on that youth support. Obamas sophisticated online network is geared toward mobilizing teenage minions. Obamas proposed civilian national security force is directed toward calcifying support for him into support for his political program. And Obamas national service requirement is an attempt to turn young people into government employees.
The Dark Youthful Menace to Society builds:
There is no question that the Barack Obama Movement was led not by elder statesman, but by college students and twentysomethings. This election cycle provided Generation Y a chance to assume unearned moral superiority over their elders by promoting a black president. It also provided Generation Y a chance to live out the precepts of their public school educations, which focused on changing the world, as well as diversity and tolerance.
“Unearned” indeed. These youngins come in and swoop up all the credit for rolling back decades of discrimination without putting in some hard work spreading the discrimination in the first place! Kids these days: always wanting to skip over the lynchings and just get right to the kumbaya.
Moving on, 24 year-old Boxy Brown explains how he lacks the experience and learning to be taken seriously:
Young people have the enthusiasm for politics, but not practical experience or breadth of learning.
Er, Boxy, hold that thought because…its time a blow up tha spot!!!:
Heres the big question: Why in the world should we be excited about young Americans defining our politics?
No political mass movement led by young people has ever resulted in good. In fact, the most murderous mass movements in history have been led by young people [curv: jonas bros anyone?]. Nazism became popular among the youth before it became the German national theology; Hitler, of course, cultivated young people by targeting them for service in his SA, or Sturm Abteilung, and later, his Hitler Youth. […]
True idealism is nothing but the subordination of the interests and life of the individual to the community. The purest idealism is unconsciously equivalent to the deepest knowledge. Such idealism is the most basic building block for dangerous movements. But young people are not trained to see the danger in such idealism. It is only when young people grow up that they see Hitler in those lines rather than Barack Obama.
Indeed. I mean, have you ever considered that Hitler, himself, was at one point…young! I shit you not.
Bonus Goldberg Fucktardity:
In fact, the country is experimenting with ever-more-novel ways to make it easier for people to join “the process,” which makes democracy sound like a digestive phenomenon. Gone entirely is the tradition of Election Day. Now it’s Election Week or even Election Month in some states.
Voting by mail, online voting, even voting by phone are increasingly in vogue, because it’s assumed that we desperately need input from voters who couldn’t be bothered to get off the couch for a normal Election Day but can be coaxed to vote if it doesn’t interfere with their video-game schedule.
What a travesty. I say bring back the poll tax.