There are a number of very good reasons why I don’t want to vote for John McCain.  For example: he’s crazy.  And in those areas where he isn’t actually crazy, he is willing to act crazy to appease the Crazy Bush Base.  He is a very angry little man.  And now, in his one pre-executive decision, he has managed to pick the craziest, stupidest, most unqualified, most embarrassing candidate since the Foley Administration …  and whose pastor believes that terrorism is God’s judgment on the Jews, and that people who don’t love Bush are damned … and whose undeclared business was shut down by the state … and who compassionately cut state funding for pregnant teens, like her daughter … and is basically the biggest disaster since the Titanic crashed into the Hindenberg while I was drinking a New Coke and watching ‘Gigli’.

On the other hand, I just discovered that HE’S MY FRIEND!!!  How can I possibly vote against my own dear friend?

In a related story, my thoroughly vetted VP Airwolf released this statement, through a spokescopter, responding to recent scurrilous allegations:

Thwacka-thwacka-thwacka-thwacka …

Jhweeesh – errrrr – SHWOOOOOSHHHHH!!

fshhhhhhhhhhhhh …


Thwacka-thwacka-thwacka-thwacka, my friends.

That’s awesomeness you can believe in.