Watching the Cornholes watch the convention.
The emerging wingnut consensus appears to be that Obama will be defeated by tying him to Some Old Hippie Nobody’s Ever Heard Of. It is obviously a strategy near and dear to their hearts, since an alien coming to Earth six years ago and attempting to learn about American politics by reading broadly in right-wing blogs would have come to the inescapable conclusion that the President was named “Ward Churchill”. Now, Mr. Churchill is not President, but is rather …. some sort of community college professor. I don’t really know. Thanks to the magic of Google, of course, I could easily find out, but I’m taking the principled stand here that certain things are so transcendently trivial that one should work diligently to avoid cluttering one’s beautiful mind with them. It’s just basic mental housekeeping. For consider: if I were to read even a single line from Ward Churchill’s biography, the pointless trial of memories and associations that this would create would make it that much harder to quickly recall other, more important pieces of knowledge, such as that amusing anecdote that John Boorman shared during the Director’s Commentary to “Zardoz”, or CPR. Similarly, despite the fact that Some Old Hippie I’ve Never Of has a pretty short, easily-memorable name, I’m refusing to remember what it is, and I’m just going to call him “Some Old Hippie Nobody’s Ever Heard Of” – “SOHNEHO”, for short.
Anyway, Jonah gets the party started right, taking time out of his busy schedule of shoving fistfuls of frosting into his face to compare Barack Obama/SOHINHO to segregationist Trent Lott/Strom Thurmond. An exact analogy, except in that Strom Thurmond was a Senator for many decades, and SOHINHO was some big hippie, and also except for everything else, and also STFU. However, I assume this means Jonah Goldberg will now commence flacking for Barack Obama in a political magazine with a 50+ year history of supporting Black Supremicist terrorism. Or whatever SOHNEHO did – throw tie-dye dye in people’s faces or write a really radical art movement manifesto or whatever. Like anyone gives a shit.
Later, Rich Lowry channels some McCain campaign flack complaining that Obama is unfairly linking McCain to the ad linking unfairly linking Obama to SOHNEHO, and presumably tresspassing on his lawn. This appears to be an eventuality that the McCain campaign was not prepared for – that having your sockpuppets drag up obscure shit from the Sixties makes you sound like a old fool who is obsessed with the fucking Sixties, and everybody starts looking for an assisted living home for you, preferably some place too far away to allow for regular visits. This complaint of non-involvement is also slightly undercut by the flack in question endorsing every charge in the ad they certainly had nothing to do with, but never mind. The McCain campaign plans to hit back, hard, with an ad linking Obama to Randee of the Redwoods and the dudes from the Freedom Rock commercial.
Finally, Mark Hemmingway learns that Obama is bring legal and extra-legal measures to bear against the SOHNEHO ad, sputters:
So let me get this straight — the job of the Justice Department is not to go after unrepentant domestic terrorists such as [SOHNEHO], but rather to police campaign ads about [SOHNEHO].
Well, Mark, the job of the Justice Department is not to “go after” people, unless these people have violated these things called “laws”. There are currently laws about libel and campaign financing and so on, and there are currently no laws against being an old hippie or being somebody nobody’s ever heard of, and so here we are. These would be the sorts of things that the Department would be expected to work on, Mark, although your and McCain’s boyfriend Bush has mostly had them “go after” people who register black people to vote. So I wouldn’t worry too much about this being addressed in timely manner, although I would hope and expect that a likely Obama victory would be followed by a significant uptick in IRS/SEC/FBI interests in these folks, and probably many others in your social circle. I’m investing in Jiffy Pop.
August 25, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Hey, his time in the POW camp may be the only thing Senator McCain actually can remember.
He impressed everyone in Seattle with his story how he fooled the VC interrogators by listing the names of the ’67 Seahawks defensive line instead of the real names of his squadron.
August 25, 2008 at 10:09 pm
I really thought that Sohneho would get the nod for VP.
August 25, 2008 at 10:27 pm
SOHNEHO and sister souljah are actually doing a concert together this weekend at the ATT dome, or something.
August 26, 2008 at 1:41 am
John McCain spent five years in a place where there was no jiffy pop. My Friends.
August 26, 2008 at 1:42 am
Which do you like more, John McCain’s habit of ending every sentence with “my friends” or Bob Dole’s habit of referring to himself as “Bob Dole?” My friends.
August 26, 2008 at 1:46 am
Major Woody thinks that they both make Major Woody very annoyed, my friends.
August 26, 2008 at 1:50 am
Man, I hope nobody ever tries to hold me responsible for all the dumb ideas hatched by some old hippy nobody ever heard of that I know. That could get ugly. I know lots, and some of them have pulled some pretty ill-considered stunts over the years. My friends.
August 26, 2008 at 3:26 am
You haven’t stared into the abyss until you’ve followed the convention coverage at the Give-Me-Hillary-Or-Give-Me-Death blogs like Corrente and No Quarter.
August 26, 2008 at 4:41 am
Prog…Fusion…New Age….FREEDOM ROCK!
August 26, 2008 at 4:47 am
I would like to denounce and condemn Free-wheelin’ Franklin Freak.
August 26, 2008 at 5:22 am
Jonah Goldberg jumping naked, covered with self-smeared frosting, from a giant Jiffy Pop swollen to popped perfection.
Corn, even.
Thus augers more illuminary KK comix in time for the autumnal equinox and electoral frenzy.
Like hollering Theater! in a crowded schmorgasborg.
August 26, 2008 at 6:15 am
the Editors metablogging (or is that cob-logging?) NRO so we don’t have to. Not unlike John McCain serving as POW so nobody else would ever have to. Noble sacrifice, indeed. Worth every penny. My friends.
August 26, 2008 at 6:18 am
Wait a minute, isn’t always saying ‘my friend’, or ‘my friends’, one of those Yiddish shibboleths, you know, a dead giveaway that one has tribal connections to Abraham and Sarah?; kinda like saying ‘for you’?
Is John McCain subtly telling us he’s Jewish?
It would be irresponsible not to speculate.
August 26, 2008 at 6:19 am
And and…that explains his closeness to Joe Lieberman!
It explains everything.
August 26, 2008 at 6:59 am
I don’t remember any particularly amusing anecdotes on the “Zardoz” commentary; I just remember being amazed that John Boorman, clearly a man with a handle on the craft of filmmaking, seemed utterly unaware of how silly the movie is. For instance, when discussing the giant flying rock head sequence, he…
Oh, I’m sorry, you were using it as an illustration of that which is profoundly unimportant, not as an invitation to delve deeper. Apologies.
August 26, 2008 at 7:30 am
The director’s commentary to Zardoz is like the greatest freakin’ thing ever. Don’t for a second think The Editors disagrees with me.
August 26, 2008 at 7:33 am
The only thing that I know about SOHNEHO is that he’s a terrorist who’s somehow not in prison.
August 26, 2008 at 8:13 am
John Kerry’s habit of throwing his toga over his shoulder and saying “And so I say to you now …” never, ever got old.
After ‘Zardoz’, Boorman made ‘Exorcist II’. He was deranged, and Barack Obama needs to denounce him now, my friends.
August 26, 2008 at 8:16 am
But then he made Excalibur, so he needs a prime-time speaking slot right after Bill Clinton’s 1 hour, 12-minute tribute to W.C. Fields. Love those unusually tall top hats!
P.S. “Emerging wingnut consensus”? That’s like the weather in Texas; if you don’t like it, wait five minutes.
August 26, 2008 at 8:36 am
He was deranged, and Barack Obama needs to denounce him now, my friends
Yes, but will he reject him? Anyone can denounce, but only the truly repentant reject. Not that I expect a full on refutation or anything. I mean, let’s not be naive here, my friends.
August 26, 2008 at 8:55 am
As an old hippie that no one’s ever heard of, I must protest. The person to who The Editors are referring as Some Old Hippie No One’s Ever Heard Of is not, and was never, a hippie. He was a politico, an entirely different species.
Hippies did not have coherent political philosophies, did not form splinter groups, did not form “cells”, and certainly did not take violent action.
So the guy in question is properly SOPNEHO, not SOHNEHO.
August 26, 2008 at 9:12 am
I denounce and reject joel hanes. Being an old hippie that no one’s ever heard of, he is obviously dangerous and is possibly right now trying to commune with nature. Homeland Security has been notified, my friends.
August 26, 2008 at 9:26 am
The only thing that I know about SOHNEHO is that he’s a terrorist who’s somehow not in prison.
He’s not in prison because the charges were dropped “due to prosecutorial misconduct.” He was a big wheel in Weatherman and part of the plot to set off a nail bomb in Fort Dix, killing a bunch of random soldiers to illustrate the immorality of the Vietnam War. Fortunately for the draftees, the terrorists blew themselves up instead.
The guy was clearly a murderous douchebag with delusions of righteousness, and he should have gone to prison. Instead, he’s the toast of Hyde Park, and an early supporter of Obama. He’s apparently done a bunch of good stuff since he failed at trying to be a terrorist, but eventheliberal Todd Gitlin thinks Ayers is a dick.
Relevance to the election: Essentially none, unless you want to point out that while Obama has ties to someone who tried to kill people to protest the Vietnam War, McCain actually *did* kill people to advance the Vietnam War. (Using bombs that only blew up bad guys, no doubt.)
August 26, 2008 at 9:47 am
Obama has ties
Ties?
August 26, 2008 at 10:18 am
Totally forgot about Exorcist II. Please excuse me for not referring to him as “horrendous director John Boorman, destroyer of dreams.”
Back on topic, I’m curious to hear your thoughts about the plank in the Democratic platform declaring Ward Churchill “the ginchiest.” I found it a little vague, but a step in the right direction.
August 26, 2008 at 11:58 am
OK, thanks C.S Lewis, Jr., I really did not know anything about him; willfully, since the first rantings came from Hannity.
August 26, 2008 at 12:39 pm
I thought that McCain was trying to end the Vietnam War from the inside by crashing and destroying so many planes.
August 26, 2008 at 2:23 pm
The phrase ’emerging wingnut consensus’ creeps me out.
August 26, 2008 at 2:30 pm
I was in some of the same groups as Bill Ayres and Bernadine Dohrn, including SDS.
Now I interact with Senator Jim Inhofe and some of his family.
Senator Inhofe must thereby be held responsible for my early political acts and allegiances.
Socrates/cat/scratch.
August 26, 2008 at 2:56 pm
@Charlie Tuna: I got yr REAL FREEDOM ROCK right HERE.
August 26, 2008 at 3:14 pm
This reminds me of the abstract musical I’m writing, “Lenny and Squiggy Do The Mental Housekeeping or how I Always knew Eliot Spitzer Was a Bridge-Troll.” Starring January Jones, Ms Pettigrew, and Omar-Omar Sharif, (no relation to Omar Sharif.)
Hit it Stella Vander!
Lenny: I thought SOHNEHO had a cartoon where a giant chocolate dog named Scoobey and he traversed the countryside, (much like Withnail and I did), solving mysteries with young Fred Barnes, Barbara Mikulsky, and SHPOANOEHO?
Squiggy: No, Sohneho played RB for Botafogo in the Brasileirão Série de 1969. He was known for his laser cat through balls and soaring crosses.
–Scene–
August 26, 2008 at 3:38 pm
CS Lewis Jr. Says:
Pernonally I thought Ayers jumped the shark after Yes, We Have No Mañanas, but suit yourself.
August 26, 2008 at 3:39 pm
May I call you Pernonally?
August 26, 2008 at 3:51 pm
The phrase ‘emerging wingnut consensus’ creeps me out.
Indeed. Sounds like part of the backstory for the next Terminator movie.
August 26, 2008 at 4:16 pm
This is freakin’ awesome. With an acknowledged terrorist based in Chicago, working in conjunction with the University of Illinois, Illinois Board of Education, and most liberal senator in the history of history from the left-wing haven of Hyde Park, it’s a matter of time before the wingnuts start referring to the evil, godless immorality of “Chikillgo values” in Ill-annoy-istan. I’ve always been jealous of Frisco and “Taxachusetts.”
You know what they say, “Being demonized by right-wing morons is the sincerest form of flattery.”
August 26, 2008 at 5:00 pm
The power of Christ compels me, my friends.
August 26, 2008 at 6:14 pm
…that having your sockpuppets drag up obscure shit from the Sixties makes you sound like a old fool who is obsessed with the fucking Sixties…
Yeah, but, see, here’s the thing: Republicans have basically had only 3 basic tools in the belt for the past 40 years: fear and loathing of brown people, fear of communists (which they traded in for fear of terrorists), and “remember those dirty fucking hippies in the 60’s?” Every presidential campaign since the 60s has been about the 60s in ways both small and large, both blatant and subtle. Because the Republicans have made the 60s an issue in every presidential campaign for the past 40 years. Think about the media – is there any established media figure who has ever covered a presidential campaign that wasn’t in some way about the 60s? Those guys are all dead or retired now. So that’s been their template for as long as any of them can remember, too.
As soon as McCain clinched the nomination, it was clear to me that once again, the Republicans were going to try to stir up the 60s. It was honestly one of the biggest reasons I supported Obama over Hillary. Because I just knew that if Hillary was the nominee, the campaign would be, as usual, all about the 60s. Because the Clintons had taken the bait and engaged the Republicans on the 60s stuff in pretty much every campaign either of them ever ran. I knew with Obama that wasn’t going to happen – that you’d have one side spluttering “but…but…but….THE 60S!!!11!!” and the other one saying, “uh, what about them? I was 8 when they ended – what do the 60s have to do with anything NOW?”
All I can say is, it’s about damn time. Though I’m sure that from now until I die, every campaign will be about Iraq and how the DFHs lost that war for us, too. On the bright side, at least all the Iraq shit happened when I was a sentient being, not a fucking 5 year old, so I can at least feel like it has something to do with my life.
August 26, 2008 at 8:45 pm
This confuses me:
http://corner.nationalreview.com/post/?q=ODkzNWI4YmIwN2NmMWIxYWRlNmE3MDM1OGJlMWZkYjI=
“But the last quarter of her speech had a lot of optimism and confidence about America’s future. No hardships or obstacles can stop America. I like that a lot. Obama never does it; he’s a pessimist.”
— Larry Kudlow
wha? Obama is a pessimist now?
August 27, 2008 at 5:55 pm
I heard on NPR that the guy behind the Old Hippie ads is using a tax exempt group to run them. Why is it that if I give $10 to a candidate I have to pay taxes on it, but McCain millionaires can spend hundreds of thousands on a smear campaign and they get a tax deduction?
October 13, 2008 at 8:39 pm
[…] trail blazed by internet wingnuts: constructing conspiracy theories about how Ward Churchill and SOHNEHO, along with ACORN and/or the NAACP (which they appear to have confused with C.O.B.R.A.), are […]
December 9, 2008 at 5:44 pm
[…] Rock”, man? Posted by The Editors under Uncategorized Bill Ayers, aka SOHNEHO, has an Op-Ed in the NY Times. Go on, read it. Just click the link and read it. You know you […]