Much as I hate to disagree publicly with my cobl-ogger, circumstances have forced me to admit that Adrian Belew actually kind of sucks.

Wait, no no, wait, that’s not what I meant. “Circumstances” should be “Jon Chait”, “have forced me to admit” should be “makes a reasonably good case”, “Adrian Belew” should be “Hillary Clinton”, and “actually kind of sucks” should be “would do us all a favor if she knocked it off”. To wit:

Clinton’s path to the nomination, then, involves the following steps: kneecap an eloquent, inspiring, reform-minded young leader who happens to be the first serious African American presidential candidate (meanwhile cementing her own reputation for Nixonian ruthlessness) and then win a contested convention by persuading party elites to override the results at the polls. The plan may also involve trying to seat the Michigan and Florida delegations, after having explicitly agreed that the results would not count toward delegate totals. Oh, and her campaign has periodically hinted that some of Obama’s elected delegates might break off and support her. [blah blah Hitler something something thanks Jon]

Some Clinton supporters, like my friend (and historian) David Greenberg, have been assuring us that lengthy primary fights go on all the time and that the winner doesn’t necessarily suffer a mortal wound in the process. But Clinton’s kamikaze mission is likely to be unusually damaging. Not only is the opportunity cost–to wrap up the nomination, and spend John McCain into the ground for four months–uniquely high, but the venue could not be less convenient. Pennsylvania is a swing state that Democrats will almost certainly need to win in November, and Clinton will spend seven weeks and millions of dollars there making the case that Obama is unfit to set foot in the White House. [blah blah Dooooooom! Doooooom!]

Unlike Mr. Chait, I don’t think Hillary’s continued candidacy means the end of the world (also unlike Mr. Chait, I can call Marty Peretz a crazy racist shithead: the advantages to being me? Endless!), but given that there’s no particularly plausible way for her to win the nomination that doesn’t involve giving a giant middle finger to a massive, newly energized activist core that had until quite recently not been part of the Democratic party at all, given further that she’d be giving a merely average-sized middle finger to the Democratic nominating process as we have so ineptly imagined it, and given finally that (were she to (however unlikely said outcome might be) win (by (no okay it’s not actually) cheating)) she’d have a knock-down drag-out fight with Sky Captain Andy Rooney on her hands — a fight in which she would have preëmptively ceded to her opponent the values of wisdom, commander-in-chiefiness, and maverickaliscitude — hey, listen, maybe we Democrats should find a way to work together this election?

No? Okay. Back to my coma. Good luck in September, seniors!

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